Teaching Our Daughters

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her, and a man who compliments her .... a man who spends money on her, and a man who invests in her .... a man who views her as property, and a man who views her properly ..... a man who lusts after her, and a man who loves her ..... a man who believes he is God's gift to women, and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.

This anonymous quote is making the rounds on Facebook, and has been picked up in Tweets and blogs too. While I understand the message and quite agree that we need to teach young women to choose healthy relationships, I guess some of the wording just doesn't sit right with me. I thought perhaps I'd reply to the quote line by line, and offer my perspective to those who care to read it. (I am ignoring in this instance the possibility that a daughter may not be called to a monogamous, heterosexual relationship. I am also leaving the initial quote intact, despite the switch from a plural to a singular subject in the first line. There's plenty of time to be a grammar cop later.)


"We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her, and a man who compliments her ...."
Yes, young women's heads are often turned by men who offer excessive praise. Then again, I suppose young men have the same problem with women who offer flirtatious praise. How sincere is any of it,

As Brothers Fight Ye!

Not to be a centre of pestilence, but I just had to point out that Crowley had it right when he said, "As brothers fight ye!" OK, lots of folks have known that for ages. But now a reputable institution has published scientific evidence that it doesn't hurt to duke it out occasionally.

Dr Claire Hughes, of the Centre for Family Research at Cambridge, conducted a longitudinal study of preschoolers from high-risk backgrounds. Among the conclusions drawn from evidence, sibling rivalry can actually help preschool children to develop social skills and a rich vocabulary for discussing emotional content.

The study also shows similar benefits when mothers talk with their kids in ways that contrast, compare, and elaborate on the child's feelings and interests.

Will this change the way you parent your preschooler?

This content is copyrighted. Please feel free to share by sending others a link to this page, or contact the author about purchasing reprint rights. Photo by Paco Loera.

Growing Up Pagan

Coming out of the broom closet. It's a bit tongue-in-cheek, but many of us have used the expression to describe how we revealed to the world that we are Pagan.

It isn't an easy thing to tell friends and family that you no longer feel a part of the religion in which you were raised. Being honest comes with a price. Feelings will be hurt, and some relationships will never be the same again.

Even those who accept a loved one being Pagan can make life difficult: imagine going to a party where you are introduced to strangers as "my friend the Witch"!

My kids' experience is different from my own. They've only ever known what it is to be Pagan.

I left the Christian faith of my family as a young adult, and I found a new home in earth centered religion. Because I made the choice later on, my childhood was just like that of all my friends and neighbours. I went to church, took bouquets from my mother's garden to my Sunday school teacher. I never had to think twice about reciting the Lord's Prayer at school, or whether the wording of my Brownie Promise conflicted with my beliefs.

I had no trouble answering when someone asked what church I belonged to. I can even remember a time when my friends and I organized an informal religious exchange. We paired up and went to each other's churches, just to see how different communities went about their worship.

Growing up Pagan is different. My kids do think about things other kids take for granted, about things I took for granted at their age. So far, I must say their experience has been a positive one. Some people have really impressed me not only by their acceptance, but also by demonstrating a familiarity with basic Pagan tenets.

I am happy for my kids. I feel blessed to live in a world where they are accepted for who they are. And I have hope that this is a growing trend. A friend pointed me toward a news story about student atheist clubs in American high schools, and I see some parallels between these young people and Pagan youth. Their beliefs are not the same, but they encounter a lot of the same situations. Knowing there is a place for all youth to find fellowship with likeminded people is comforting.

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